Sunday, April 29, 2012

Allentown

Well, I have not posted in almost two months, and I don't have a fantastic reason, except I didn't want to write a bunch of posts unworthy of publication, most of my posts are mediocre already.  I have been writing, not as much as I should be, but I have actually sat down and put words to a digital representation of a piece of paper, so good for me.  The character "Beanie" has popped up again, so it will be interesting to see how he drives the plot.  I know how I want the scene to end, but the intricacies of the plot progression are less detailed in my mind, so I think it will be an interesting revelation to see how the scene pans out.  While I didn't set out to write a Cinderella story, and my character is certainly not oppressed by a mother figure or hiding a secret, poverty struck identity, there is most certainly the rags to riches subplot so I have decided to go on a tramp through romance retellings of fairy tales.  I haven't started yet, but I am warning you that this might further distract me from my blogging activities.

While I am sure that brief summary of my two months of not really writing was fascinating and greatly edifying, I actually have a personal life event that I think bears consideration, and I am going to use this very public and impersonal space to do so.  As the ten of you who read my blog may, or may not know, I have been seeing a very fine gentleman for a couple of months now, and last week we drove to Pennsylvania to visit an elderly uncle laid up by a stroke.  Of course the trip was somewhat awkward as my gentleman caller was meeting my grandparents and my uncle  for the first time, and it was in a hospital room, complete with the heightened anxiety that comes with meeting the family and family illness.  Just when everyone was starting to become comfortable with each other with my grammy and my dude looking at his iPad together, Uncle Joe napping away and Grandpop deciding to trot off for a hot dog, the WORST THING THAT CAN HAPPEN besides cancer, terrorist attacks, biological warfare, nuclear detonation, etc. HAPPENED.

Almost my entire extended family rolled up in there (literally rolled, Aunt Annie came rolling in, sitting on the seat of her rolling walker) and all of a sudden I thought I was in a sitcom.  Uncle Joe was being ambushed and my boyfriend was caught in the crossfire.  I couldn't have written something more embarrassing.  My grammy pinched his cheek, my demented aunt yelled at him that he "picked a good one" without actually having a clear idea as to who I am or how I am related to her, and my cousin very loudly and insistently couldn't fathom how it only took us an hour and fifteen minutes to get there from Brooklyn when it took her an hour and half to get to Allentown from Trenton.  Of course, on paper, none of this seems so terrible.  But imagine yourself in a room, with the first guy or girl you have ever introduced to your family, and think about how you would feel if your grammy PINCHED HIS CHEEK.  My boyfriend is a 33 year old grown ass man.

The rest of the embarrassing behavior is particular to the family, you know stories that your family insists on telling to all and sundry, regardless of polite requests to stop.  They also kept asking why we weren't going to Jenean's for dinner, because saying that we had to get back to the city for work was not, apparently, a real reason?  "Because, Jenean's cooking, ya' know.  Oh, we're all goin' back to Jenean's.  Why don'tcha come back to Jenean's with us for dinner?"  In the light, lilting singsong of the Northeast Pennsylvania accent.  It has the tones of a Minnesota accent with the cadence of the Pennsylvania Dutch.

So, the next time you see "Home for the Holidays" or any sitcom where a girl is embarrassed by her family when she brings a partner home for the first time, know that it is real.  That happened to someone, it wasn't invented on the digital representation of the page.  Then, remind yourself to never introduce Your Boo to your grandma.  She will pinch his cheek.