I know I promised to blog about all my emotional travails,
but frankly I don’t really want to talk about it anymore. All my friends, half my family, and my
therapist have all heard about it and I believe I am chatted out. For the purposes of my blog narrative, all
you really need to know is that I found out I was being played by my ex and he
now will have nothing to do with my life outside the occasional workday. He tried to start a Words With Friends game
that I am ignoring. I am ignoring all of
my WWF games though, there are only so many times one can play “zax” before the
thrill is gone.
The bigger anxiety has been over my brother and while I have
not discussed this stress with nearly as many people, this anxiety has nothing
to do with romance novels or my writing, and I just don’t like to talk about
it. I just thought it important, in the
event someone makes a movie based on this blog, that I have a life beyond
books, movies, tv, romance, and boyfriends.
At least, I would like to think my life is more expansive
than that, but now that I have a couple of things I actively don’t want to
think about, I am having trouble remembering what I occupied my mind with
before evil men started being mean to me.
(Is “evil” too strong of a word?
Hmm…) I believe I cannot remember
because I used to be bored before all of this upheaval; I just never had
anything I actively did not want to think about.
So, I took myself off to Italy for the holidays. Well, I usually go to Italy for the holidays
but this year the vacation was much needed.
Not only was this the first year that I have worked every day(ish) for
the last six months, but all the stress I had been experiencing for the past
three weeks or so was starting to hit untenable levels. I really needed to get out.
The upshot with all of this physical distance is that I
have loads of raw material for my writing.
Granted, the majority of it has gone in to those long unsent letters
that we all write to those who have wronged us; but, since I am never sending
them I can always use that handy cut and paste option, thus using my pain for
artistic purposes. Additionally, I have
discovered new “create your own” opportunities on the internets, so as soon as
I take some pictures (new phone and computer, thus necessitating some “fotogroups” as my Peruvian tour guide used to say on my hike to Machu Picchu back
in 2005)
I will have a whole slew of new examples of formal creativity. In the meantime, here is the holiday card my step-mom
made. I know it is slow, but it is totally worth the wait.
My Italian trips are usually a bit of a whirlwind with
scores of social obligations. Tonight I
will be rehearsing “We Belong” in the style of Pat Benatar for a non-holiday
music holiday concert in my dad’s town on the 26th. So, now I have plenty of performance anxiety
to deal with as opposed to family, travel, or romance anxiety. I think I will take the performance anxiety
any day, because the show is going to end eventually.
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